Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
