fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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