At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
