So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
