What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
