Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize