I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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