So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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