i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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