i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
