Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
