Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
