I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
