He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
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What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
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Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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