I am spending my child support on dildos
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
