i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
