first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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