I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
