i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
