I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
the liver wants what the liver wants
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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