How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
