I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
