i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ladies don't puke and tell
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
