Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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