I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
