Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
