apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
