i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
