i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
