Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
