wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
3 2 1 whiskey
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
