my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
