Jerry, you need to find god
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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