When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
