Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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