I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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