i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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