Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
