The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
