im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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