Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
