AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
