Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
