Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
