Is that why you're texting me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.