who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor