That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND