Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.