Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale