That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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