i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
