Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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