Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
