It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
