Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
organizing the empties. That sober.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
