How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
