You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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