The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
