I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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