They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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