I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
