Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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