I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
