Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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