Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
