Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
