Too much gin, very little bucket
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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