I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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