ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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