TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
